Smokey starts practising for the next Olympic Games.

Smokey was delighted to learn that he can now participate in the Olympics as Queenie, and as such, has started practising for the dive competition in the next games. He knows he’ll never be up there with the elite boys, but should be able to knock a few girls out of his way to getting a medal.

A ‘Queen’ is an unspayed female cat, but that’s not fazing Smokey. The International Olympic Committe has said that all he needs is a passport to say he’s Queenie, and they’ll believe him. His ‘gender’ won’t be questioned - at least not by them. It’s true that a cat-gender competitor might raise a few eyebrows amongst others, but he’s also sussed that there’s a very vocal and influential element of completely bonkers humans called ‘wokesters’, who will stick up for him.

Smokey is no amateur in getting what he wants from humans, whether they’re bonkers or not. He’s been manipulating them forever with cutesy poses and plaintive miaows, so spotting the easy marks and wrapping them around his little claw will be no problem at all.

In the event the International Olympic Committee decides before the next games to implement sex testing, to ensure that those who enter as females are actually females, Smokey’s not bothered. If that happens, he can just go back to being a boy - if he wants to - and get another passport to say so.

He might have to bow out of competing with the boys, of course. He knows he’s just not good enough for that, so there’d be no prize money there for him. Oh, well – larping as a girl would have been worth a try, after all what are loopholes for if not to be exploited? Especially when money and status were up for grabs if he pulled it off.

Whatever happens, Smokey will still have all his finely developed skills of cutesy poses and plaintive miaows, which he will just put to other uses. As sure as the sun rises and sets, there will always be humans in the world he can play with. And they’ll love him for it.