Why women and girls need single-sex spaces - because it now needs to be explained.

A woman here in New Zealand recently had the experience of her local Member of Parliament telling her that he couldn’t quite grasp the fear around having “transgender women” using women’s bathrooms. He apparently hadn’t heard any problems with it locally, and doesn’t know of any evidence of harm to women when men can use their spaces. So, I decided to work on putting together a list of reasons so he, and others, can have it in writing.

This is not something that we’ve needed to do before, as much of it was discrete oral advice and information passed down to us from our mothers, aunties, grandmothers and grand aunties, based on women’s life experiences throughout our entire human history. Men also knew it from the male perspective of knowing men, and their own oral histories. Suddenly, though, if it’s not in writing, the reasons women need single-sex spaces seemingly don’t exist. The cleverly devised ‘loud’ campaign narratives from trans activists have overridden women’s quiet oral histories.

Sex Matters UK has also recently published the results of a survey covering this, and the link is at the bottom¹.

Separately to Sex Matters, and in consultation with other women in NZ, I have created the below list, which is devised from the shared oral knowledge we’ve had forever. If it has been previously documented, it is now certainly lost to easy access. Not surprisingly, there are many overlaps between the Sex Matters’ survey, and my more informal information gathering, as women’s experiences have a certain amount of commonality everywhere, whether written, observed, or spoken.

I’m sure this list doesn’t cover everything, but it’s a start. Copy it, add to it, refine it, share it, send it anywhere you want and in any format you want, but let’s not give another public servant or service provider a reason to claim incomprehension of why women and girls need single-sex spaces.

·       Most physical violence, including sexual assault, is committed by males.

·       There is no evidence that males who say they’re women commit less violence.

·       Male assaults against women and girls are committed more often in unisex spaces.

·      There is no way of ascertaining which unknown males, whether or not they say they’re women, will commit an assault, or intimidate, until they do it.

·       Women and girls should not have to clean up boys and men’s urine from toilet seats in unisex amenities before they can use them, nor should they have to dodge urine on the floor. These unhygienic practises of careless urination occur far more frequently by males than females.

·       In order to fully participate in public life, women and girls rely on public toilets and changing amenities being safe places from physical harm and intimidation.

·       Women and girls who have been subjected to violence by men will not feel safe or comfortable in what should be single-sex spaces if there is a man in there, irrespective of the man’s character or appearance.

·       Women and girls cannot thrive unless they feel confident that their bodies are safe from harm and/or indignity. Indeed, no one can. Our social and public spheres become more vibrant when they’re perceived to be safe.

·       Women and girls who feel uncomfortable or distressed at being forced to share single-sex public amenities with men will end up self-excluding from public places. They will make their personal worlds smaller to compensate. That will flow onto them doing fewer mentally, emotionally, and physically healthful activities. They will lessen their participation in society and contribution to the economy, and go out to fewer places with friends and family.

·       Amongst all the things our human bodies are designed to do, women’s bodies are additionally designed for menstruation, maternity, and menopause. Sometimes the unexpected happens with them, and it can be embarrassing and/or distressing if that’s in the presence of unknown men.

·       Some women may have toddlers or babies in pushchairs with them, too, as well as either an ambulatory or disabled child, which necessitates leaving the toilet door open to keep an eye on them, as the cubicle can’t accommodate everyone.

·       Women rely on other women to help them through awkward or difficult situations, and other women are routinely found in single-sex spaces.

·       Women and girls with disabilities or any sort of body self-consciousness, for whatever reason, especially need single-sex changing rooms, and a male presence will be very distressing.

· Girls and young women can learn by absorption, whether consciously or subconsciously, about being a woman by being in an environment with a mixture of women on a regular basis. Having men in female spaces, or only having unisex spaces, stifles this natural and time-honoured method of learning about the world without effort.

·       Women and girls have historically used female single-sex spaces to escape unwanted attention or harassment from males. Unisex spaces don’t offer this unfortunately necessary sanctuary.

·       A service provider may believe that if a physical assault from a man who says he’s a woman doesn’t happen, then nothing has happened. Wrong. Leering, lurking, and exhibitionism by males are highly offensive behaviours, are a power-play, and can feel very menacing.

·       If no complaints are received from women about being forced to share single-sex spaces with men who say they’re women, it does not mean there are no complaints. It just means that they’re not making the complaints to the service provider, or other authority. This can be because –

- there is no easy way to make the complaint

- there is no woman to make the complaint to, and it may feel too personal to make the complaint to a man

- reception of the complaint may be unfriendly, and the woman is made to feel wrong

- she may be embarrassed, mortified, or distressed about what has just happened, and only wants to escape the place asap – i.e. the flight response

- she can’t adequately articulate the complaint due to English not being her first language

- she can’t immediately find the words to express how she feels about a situation she’s never previously encountered, but knows is wrong, because she’s never needed to find those words before

- she’s not comfortable making a fuss, for any number of reasons

- she’s shy, awkward, or non-articulate, and isn’t confident in approaching staff

- in the case of asking for an audience with one’s local MP, not all people have the knowledge, ability, confidence, or experience to know how to approach an MP and present a case to them about why it’s wrong to allow any man who says he’s a woman to have free and unfettered entry to all women’s spaces and sports, nor have the persistence when they are met with prevarication, or their request is initially ignored

The reasons women and girls need single-sex spaces haven’t changed. They’re the same as they’ve always been. People are fundamentally alike everywhere, irrespective of time and culture, and that doesn’t change because a man says he’s a woman.

¹Why do single-sex services matter? - Sex Matters (sex-matters.org)